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Valentine’s Day after divorce

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and for the first time in years, you’ll be single. You try to tell yourself that it doesn’t matter, that the entire day is just an overblown social ritual, yet you suspect that you will be either buying a ticket for the Anti-Valentine’s Party in Brooklyn or avoiding all stores where heart-shaped boxes of candy are found.

It’s true that Valentine’s Day can be difficult after a recent separation or divorce. If your former spouse has the kids on that day, then you may feel even more alone. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way. Valentine’s Day can be a celebration of the love you feel for yourself, and here are some tips for making it happen.

Don’t be alone

Make sure that you have company on the 14th. This year (2019), it falls on a Thursday, so make plans to meet other single friends at your favorite restaurant or bar. If the divorce has made an impact on you financially, then make arrangements to gather at someone’s home for a potluck and Netflix marathon. Alternatively, you can visit family, volunteer, see a movie, or indulge in other activities that let you be around people.

Avoid places geared towards couples

Many bars and restaurants throughout New York will have special romantic-themed events and dinners aimed at couples. If you plan on going out on Valentine’s Day, then avoid these places. New York is full of museums, galleries, coffee shops, ethnic restaurants, and other locations that offer creative stimulation and delicious dining experiences without romantic undertones. Enjoy them!

Don’t contact your former spouse

On a day that celebrates happy relationships, you may find yourself remembering the happier days of your marriage and be tempted to reach out to your former spouse. Don’t do it. Unless an urgent situation involving the children has occurred, do not:

  • Text your former spouse
  • Call them
  • Email them
  • Call them merely to listen to their voicemail greeting
  • Write and send a sentimental letter

You may miss them, but you are now divorced, and efforts to revisit the past will only prevent you from moving forward. Refrain from contact and, for now at least, avoid places where they are likely to be, such as their workplace, their favorite bar, or the gym where they always work out.

The same contact ban should also apply to your former’s spouse’s family and friends. Reaching out to them will only make you emotional, and if you aren’t on the best of terms with them, listening to you cry or become angry over the phone may make them question your stability as a parent.

Let Valentine’s Day 2019 be all about you. You’ve come a long way and deserve the promising future that awaits.

If you are seeking information regarding divorce or family court matters, then contact the law office of Jayson Lutzky. Mr. Lutzky has helped thousands of clients complete contested and uncontested divorces over the past 35 years. He offers free consultations in his Bronx, New York office and can be reached at 718-329-9500 or 800-660-5299. Visit www.MyNewYorkCityLawyer.com/Divorce for more information.

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